Monday, October 15, 2007

Just say yes? Fuck off.

I hate our just say yes policy...sometimes I just want to say "fuck off" or "kiss my fat ass" or simply "get the fuck out." But no. I must smile and say yes...and occasionally I get a twisted pleasure out of saying no...what was that? A no? Yeah, bitch a big fucking NO.

I got a complaint. Yes, I know. No a huge surprise but really...someone actually called the store to say that I was rude and made her feel stupid. Oh hey, go figure: The bitch was STUPID.

Every fucking afternoon she comes into the shop wanting a cup of brewed coffee. Fair enough. But she has grown accustomed to wanting a "fresh" cup of coffee. Meaning, other barista's have followed the ridiculously stupid "just say yes" policy and politely dumped an entire batch of good coffee in order to serve this bitch a brand new special cup at a whopping price of $1.75!

Let's get one thing straight. SB isn't stupid...we have fucking policies to make sure we are consistently serving fresh coffee. You think our brewing machine is a fucking kitchen aid that burns the coffee if it sits longer than 30 minutes? No. It probably cost in the thousands of dollars and I can guarantee some smarty behind the scenes worked real hard at making damn sure it kept the coffee fresh.

Well, apparently this bitch knows good coffee. Apparently her tastebuds were sent from heaven and she can just taste the difference, she's special like that. And even more so, she has some time limit she genius-ly came up with to which she thinks the coffee goes bad! "Ohhhh, it's been sitting for 27 minutes? Hmmm, maybe 25 minutes but I just can't do past that." What the fuck?!

Anyway, so she comes in the other day and i was feeling particularly annoyed and it went a little like this:

"Hi, would you like your coffee?"

Glances at the timer which says 32 minutes (it has sat for 28) me a strained look and waiting for me to say "Sure, I would love nothing more than to waste some coffee and then re-brew you a nice little cup for you"

"I am not going to re-brew it. You can wait 30 minutes until it get re-brewed or we can french press you some" She doesn't like french press because it costs her more...She stands there somewhat shocked because usually her tight little face gets her what she wants and I just stare back...

Eventually she takes it but acts like it is going to be the worst cup of coffee in the world. And thanks to my fellow barista who is accustomed to giving the snob whatever she wants...he gives it to her for FREE.

So bitch walks away with a free cup of fucking coffee that was brewed less than 30 minutes ago...acts like the world is ending and has the audacity to complain. Just saw yes? Fuck it, you can shove your coffee up your ass.

PS- My god. I am SOO sorry for the horribly long delay of posts. I had my SB review the other day and my boss actually said my attitude has drastically changed to, dare I say, nice. OH SHIT. It could take a while for me to get back to my cynical and angry self...but dammit. I will.


La ReinaLexa said...

Hahahahahaha. This is hilarious. I would love going to your sb one day and being like, the BEST customer. I swear I'd be on my best behavior. =)

Keep the posts coming, you're so funny.

Princess Poochie said...

Thank God you are back!
You don't know me, but I missed you.

I actually sighed in relief when I saw there was a new post!


kgn said...

ya know, i actually brew a pot of coffee in a thermal carafe and drink it every morning for 2 or 3 days. i am very picky about my coffee, but i have to say, unless it's being constanly heated, it tastes good after a day or two--pretty much indistinguishable. she's the kind of person who makes you want to say, "you don't have to believe everything that you think."

Ambar said...

Love it. It's my first visit here, but you crack me up.

Anonymous said...

What's her point? Only an espresso machine can deliver decent coffee. The stuff she orders is by definition disgusting so it might as well be a day old.

Ana said...

I feel horrible that you are forced to say yes all the time. One time back in college I was out with my girlfriends at SB, and I ordered something that wasn't my usual, I asked the barista what it would be like and she reassured me that it's nice, sweet, etc. but when i got it it was like suckling from a soggy tea bag, but I didn't complain, because TEA was totally in the name of the drink I just ordered and my friend was like, if you complain they will give you anything you want...and I was like...OMG NO, 1. I ordered it, paid for it, and asked about it 2. I hate confrontations! 3. its not her fault that i don't like tea.
So I'm glad you stood up and said "NO" and made her drink 28 minute old coffee. LOL

Love, Ana