So I thought that drinking lattes, mocha's or any other hot beverage with straws was reserved for soccer moms. Well, apparently it's not. Is it not common sense to sip hot beverages as opposed to gulping them down through a straw? Did I miss a memo? Is this something the trendy-s are doing, or what? I mean, the fucking wrapper even says "Do Not Consumer With Hot Beverages"! And yet, people continue to do it!
I generalize it with 'people' as opposed to just 'soccer moms' or 'women' because yes, men do it too. Grown, adult men. Men with a wife and children at home. Yes my friends, we see more than the occasional man drinking their Non fat, no whip, white chocolate mocha's out of straws...and for the life of me I just cannot get my head round' this! Is the hole on the cup not slit specifically for sipping? And besides that minor point, do these freaks not realize what fucking idiots they look like?
At first I had accepted that this was a typical pastime of 'soccer moms'....I mean, how else were they going to drive like maniacs in their SUV's if they didn't have to struggle putting their straws in their mouths? But men? Full grown men? Men in suits and ties to say the least. Aren't they embarrassed someone might see? I mean, let's say a business deal is pending...the fucker is down the drain if the potential partner sees his potential business deal/man drinking his mocha out of a straw! I mean, really.
The other day though, I had a customer that defied all expectations that I had of the obsessive straw drinkers. He was about 60ish, tall, in slacks and a dress shirt.
He orders a Venti mocha (non-fat, no whip)...I make it and hand it out to him.
He proceeds to take the smaller of the two straws we offer (we keep the big ones behind the bar) and measures it next to his mocha. He ponders the height and then decides this straw just won't work. All the while, I am observing him with quiet disbelief. What the fuck is this otherwise nice man doing?
"Can I have a bigger straw?" I am trying my hardest to not laugh and wipe the look of astonishment off of my face. I hand him a big straw and anxiously watch his next move.
He measures this one...just in case. God forbid it be too big...because then we'd have a real problem on our hands. I can imagine him measuring the big straw and erupting in anger that we don't have any medium straws to suit his needs. "What the fuck kind of place is this? Only two sizes of straws?!?"
But he didn't. He smiled, said thank you and left. Hence why I can't be too hard on the guy. I mean, someone must tell these people. They seriously have no idea...It's like walking around with a "Kick Me" sign on your back, all the while smiling and and gulping your way through life.
But hey, at least it wasn't decaf....
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That is plain weird. I've never seen anyone do this, but I'll be on the lookout now. Maybe it's a trend that will reach here eventually - we're usually a year or two behind!
The poor guy with nothing better to do than measure straws for his drink. How you keep a straight face with these sorts of things is beyond me!
What really gets me are the people that ask for the bigger straw when they order an iced venti drink. The smaller straw will clearly fit, there is clearly enough room for their fat mouths and no need to worry about slurping. Yet, they insist on that bigger straw. What makes it even worse is that 90% of these people are straight men. I guess they just figure bigger is better, but really they just end up looking ridiculous and homosexual.
If you happen to be obsessed with tooth whitening, you might have been advised that all colored beverages should be sipped thru a straw to bypass direct tooth contact - even/especially red wine.
Scary that I know that.
Oh, I love your blog. You'd probably hate me though, if I were your customer. I'm the type who likes to annoy the really stuck-up looking baristas when I feel bored and/or annoyed. But, I would definitely tip you.
I think straws are fun and my husband resents the nonfat, no whip, white chocolate mochas reference. tomorrow he orders that 2 pump black and white thing you taught him!
Hi. On your next blog, can you please add 15 more "fucks?" Thanks!
Fancy seeing you here, sister! I KNEW he'd take offense to that one...
And frank, 15 fucks in the next one? Ummm, maybe...but I could do it right here if you want? You see, it's one of my favorite words and only offensive because it has been wrongly titled that way! Damn subjectivity...For me, it's the most expressive for emotional terms:
"Fuck you." Angry
"I fuckin love it!" Happy
"You fuckin rock!" Adoration
"This blog fuckin sucks" Disgust
"I can't fuckin wait for the weekend!" Excitement...
See? Such a fun word.
Wow, what a sexist blog this is! Adhering to such out of date ideas of how a "real man" should act. Heaven forbid a man drink through a straw! His business partners might lose faith in his ability to be a strong leader! Such sexist crap.
And Kelly - if the big straws aren't there for Venti iced drinks, then what ARE they there for? The venti iced drinks are the one thing I would think makes sense with the big straws. Oh, and nice little homophobic comment at the end of your post, too. Sigh. That's Portland for ya.
This is why I hate Starbucks and Starbucks employees. Although.. i suppose if you're 25 years old and still making lattes for 16 yr old kids, I dont blame them for bitching about - god forbid - people who drink hot beverages with straws!!
But it's okay. I'll take some time off studying for the PCATs to enlighten you.
If you drink a fucking large coffee every day, a few years from now you'll have fucking nasty brown teeth. Coffee, tea, soda.. they all stain teeth. This is why many people drink out of straws - to minimize contact (though obviously it wont prevent entire contact with teeth). This is why I drink hot/warm beverages out of straws because when I'm 50, 60 years old, I do not want grey, sallow teeth.
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