Water Bitches

Disclaimer: Before I even write this blog I want to point out that I am by no means an enviornmentalist. I love the earth and everything, but I am still learning what kind of shit we are doing to it....one day I will be there, I promise Nick! Anyway, so although I try and stay aware, I cannot preach expertise. However, some of the people I care loads about (one lovely chap, in particular) care A LOT about it and nevertheless making me constantly aware of my shortcomings (one of many, people). Now that I have covered my ass...I will proceed with the post.

So apparently I missed another memo, this time about S.B. water cups. Not only is it now, like, trendy to carry Venti ice waters around, people somehow think our water has like special ingredients that will make there lives better. Like drinking specifically a Venti ice water (Grande and Tall's are snuffed at) will reduce wrinkles, drop that ten pounds, and immediately make you feeling a million times better. It's fucking water people. Not a fountain of youth. I just don't get it. Do people really believe that our water is "special" or is it simply the cups?

Regardless, people are so wasteful when it comes to water cups (yes, myself included) that I find myself getting angry at the innocent old lady who is just parched.

Seriously though, there are girls (sorry boys, you are left out of this one) who get Venti ice waters every single day. EVERYDAY!?! Let me explain the frustration...

#1. When the fuck did we become a fucking water factory?

#2. Reuse your goddamn cup if you want one every fucking day. It's doesn't contaminate, like, 24 hours after poured...it's a plastic cup for fucks sake. It can be reused!

#3. Hey. cheap ass. Buy a fucking water bottle. Even I carry my weight watchers 32 ouncer with pride. Perhaps Nalgene's aren't cool anymore, but there has to be something out there you like.

#4. Didn't you get the memo that loving the environment is sooo much trendier than wasting it? Yeah, didn't think so.

And lets just say you just NEED your fucking venti ice water (and try really hard to reuse it) you are NEVER EVER allowed to customize your water. This is important and needs repeating...YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CUSTOMIZE YOUR WATER. Need I say it again? It's fucking water. Never ask for light ice, no ice, ice to the top, light water, a touch of hot water, a touch of lemonade, water to the green line or anything else along those lines. S.B. might be at fault for this whole phenomenon of customizing your beverages but customizing water is just ridiculous. Never do it.

So I had a real water bitch the other day. We've been encouraging people to have smaller water cups because we were running out of venti ones (karma, bitches) and everyone has been happy to oblige. No fussiness, until this one bitch:

"Can I get a Venti water?"

"Sure, but do you mind it in a grande cup...we are quickly running out of Venti ones and are trying to conserve them."

"Ummm...No. I need a venti one." I look at her with disbelief. "You see, I like drink SOO much coffee that I HAVE to make sure i drink enough water too." You are fucking kidding me. Does the cup have some special tracking device that I missed? Have you not heard of refills?

"Well, you should really invest in a water bottle, they even come with these nifty little lines called measurements." And you can also get out now. Take your 24 oz. water and leave...

In the end, I admit that I am occasionally guilty of being a water bitch (however, if someone asked me to downsize my free water, I wouldn't argue). I know, I know. Hypocrite. But I can't help it! Some of these bitches make me so angry that I just had to write a post.

On that note, S.B. iced cups ARE recyclable...so we can all be less of a water bitch by putting them with the plastics.